August 2001 Archives

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August 30, 2001

I Think I Can

ok. apparently i'll be able to abstain another day. today wasn't it.

god bless chocolate.

I Think I Can, part 2

i'm eyeing the hershey kisses sitting next to my desk. i vowed no chocolate today, just to make sure i wasn't self-inducing the headache i've been carrying around since late yesterday. i can do this.

Maryland, Here We Come

we go camping this weekend as we head north to the maryland renaissance faire. anticipation builds... i do plan on taking some pictures.

it's now thursday morning, and my computer is showing 5:08 p.m. i'm required to power down every night before leaving work, and apparently the battery in my computer is bad because it never moves with time while not powered on. i should probably reset it now when i finish this sentence because i'll be wondering why things are all screwed up and what time it really is.

this morning i took two extra strength sinus relief caplets.. the left side of my head has had a dull throbbing and occasionally pain will shoot through just to let me know something is going on up there. i'm increasing my dosage of water to aid the "pressure" along. hydration is key to most anything anyway.. so wtf. i just wish i wasn't so groggy now.

*yawn*

August 27, 2001

Outline

i traced the outline of my hand on a friend's basement wall on friday
night. jon, who was with me, traced an outline of his that connected with
mine.

we signed our names and dated the drawing. 8-25-01.

jdi lives on walls now.

picture coming soon.

August 14, 2001

Life Is Like....

life is like a beautiful ribbon... are you tying yours in knots or bows?

August 02, 2001

A Long Week

it's been a long week. sick on monday with headache and nausea, followed by three days of asp coding and trying to understand what the hell i'm doing. i'm tired. really tired. just ready to crawl into bed and forget that the world exists around me.

i've been feeling somewhat invisible in life lately... here to cater to the needs of everyone around me but not having much success in having anyone cater to mine. what's that old saying? the only person you can rely on is yourself. i firmly believe that now. not even the best of relationships will bring 100% happiness to you.. some of the hard work has to be done by yours truly.

i guess i'm still a dreamer to a large degree. so that sets me up for great disappointment when the outcome doesn't meet the expectation. i try really hard not to have expectations, but some things i just won't budge on... respect for my feelings, respect for me in general, being kind, etc. some things i do expect and need (even if others don't seem to care).

as a mother, i've been stressed to the max lately. casey has had many struggles in adjusting to life as we now know it.. and she seems to want every minute of my day devoted to doing something with her. i've been accommodating.. or at least better about giving her my time.. but it's really hard to switch gears from a new job where i'm learning code to going home and doing everything under the sun in an attempt to make her happy for the moment. it seems not to matter much how much or what i do.. it's not enough.. and that is exhausting.

i feel as if i have little time for me and my friends.. and how i choose to spend that is of great importance to me. and the people i choose to spend it with should realize that i'm giving them something extremly valuable. yet, here lately.. i'm invisible. no one seems to care that i exist.

change is still in the air. thick in the air, in fact.. and i'm catching hold of the next strong gust of wind and taking a ride.

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