September 2001 Archives

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September 22, 2001


i enjoyed this.

DC After 9/11

on thursday, i went to washington, d.c. for a class by the sans institute. it felt weird, honestly, to be in the city where tragedy struck just 11 days ago. i drove past the pentagon and was awestruck by the damage to the building. i was even more amazed at the surrounding area and how that plane must have had to barely fly over surrounding buildings at the right angle to reach its target.

signs of american pride could be found everywhere, however, and that felt good.

on thursday evening, i walked down the national mall towards the washington monument with the capitol building behind me. the president was going to speak that night, and security was everywhere. it felt good to be in my nation's capitol, and it was an awesome feeling when i reached the other side of the monument and walked a small distance towards the reflecting pool. as i turned to my right, there stood the white house in front of me. when i turned around, the jefferson memorial could be clearly seen. when i looked to my left, i saw the lincoln memorial in the distance. had a coworker not been with me, i probably would have laid down in the grass and just stared at the sky. i could feel myself being filled with the pride and love i feel for my country. it felt so incredible.

i'm glad i made the trip. i'm also glad to be home.

September 18, 2001

Strange Little Email

i was surprised this morning when i received the email from cdnow confirming shipment of my order for strange little girls, tori's new cd that was released today. i didn't even remember ordering it, and it's not often that happens to me. i checked the order history and sure enough, i had in fact placed the order at the end of august, less than three weeks ago.

it's weird when stuff like that happens. i guess i am getting older or more forgetful, one. whatever the case, i'm glad i save emails to back myself up.

September 17, 2001


the survivor stories are starting to pop up everywhere. i sat mesmerized in front of the tv yesterday as one woman told her account of escaping world trade 2 just before it collapsed. i couldn't even begin to imagine what she had gone through. my heart was suddenly with her.

this morning, i read an article about how the web has come of age with these types of stories.. how it's the perfect medium for people to share their stories and create the communities we all long for after such events as last week's attacks. i long for those stories... i need to hear remarkable tales of escape... of people helping others... of loved ones being reunited. i need to know how other people are coping and dealing with these events. i wrote derek yesterday and thanked him for the fray. he wrote back and thanked me for being part of it... and i realized that perhaps i was.

i need hope, even though i wasn't in new york and i didn't lose family members or friends in this tragedy. reading personal stories and other people's accounts makes it real for me. it makes me believe there is hope.

i'm starting to feel like maybe there is.

September 13, 2001

Light A Candle

light a candle. pray.

September 12, 2001

Flow of Energy

it would be a numb person who can't feel the change in the flow of energy in the air since yesterday's attack on the united states. my heart aches for those who lost friends and relatives as the twin towers of the world trade center and the pentagon collapsed. i'm horrified at the events themselves, but also horrified this actually has happened.

there's a certain sense of vulnerability now for believing we are safe as a nation.. and for believing in the false sense of security i have held onto. that won't ever happen in the united states. i should always remember that life is precious and can be taken away at any time. this is the world we live in... shit happens. big time. believe it.

i watched with complete awe... disbelief actually... at all the news reports on the internet and on tv. i called my family and talked to them. i told my kids i loved them many times. i listened as the president spoke words to reassure me that all will be ok... and then again and again, i watched those damning videos on cnn and saw the airplanes strike and realized it will be a long time before i can have faith in his words.

the energy is heavy from all the reality it holds.

September 09, 2001

404 Messaging

i used to play this game with a guy i knew... online...

he'd visit my website and leave me messages in the log files... requesting pages that would turn up 404 errors and say something to me at the same time...'hellosexyimwatchingyou', or 'beautifulasalways'... or something. digital flirting. it was a big turn on for me. a mindfuck, as it were.

i'm now adding that characteristic to my list of things i like in a man.

  • mentally stimulating
  • the more creative, the better as far as i'm concerned.

    September 07, 2001

    me at 34.

    me at 34.

    34 And Holding

    a bottle of wine and a kiss, a few hugs and my mother and stepfather calling and singing me happy birthday "archie and edith bunker style"... birthday greetings from the masses. even my co-workers have made this day a special one for me.. and it's only 8:21.

    the end of my 34th year is upon me. today at 1:09 p.m. i turn 34 years old and begin my 35th year of existence. i can't wait...

    September 06, 2001

    Happily Single

    a friend of mine from days gone by responded to an email that i sent her after finding her address on a website of the school where she works as headmaster.

    "i'm very, very happily single," she wrote. life seemed to be working as it always did for her. i suppose there was reason why i wrote her in the first place. i need to see another strong woman (as i view her) who is happy with the tough choices she's had to make about her life. i need to see how she handles herself and her children. how she focuses on her career. how she handles her romantic relationships.

    i'm happily single as well. SINGLE. meaning one. i'm so used to duality that single is just starting to make sense to me. everything is up in the air to be redefined in my life. you see, i planned for this (that's why i registered but i never really expected or realized that i'd get here so quickly, that it would turn my life upside down and leave me with a good amount of inner and self work to do.

    but it did, and i'm dealing with it, one day at a time.

    the reality of being single is just that. being single. i guess i am a bit scared of what that means. i want to be ok with being by myself, and i guess i am, but i don't feel too confident about where i am emotionally. jon and i talked a bit about this last night, about how i feel strong and confident when it comes to doing things and having my life the way i want it, but also feeling weak and insecure about what i need emotionally and where i am with that.

    jon and i have no commitment or anything, but we have something and i am a little worried that i'm using our relationship to help me fill that "duality" role. he encourages me to enjoy where we are relationship-wise, so that i can enjoy being single and do the things i want to do without having to worry about anyone else. i appreciate him seeing that i may need to do some of the "single" thinking. it's just a hard concept for me to consider. i'm not used to thinking about things just for myself (though i'm sure todd would say otherwise) - there's always been someone else to worry about.

    i do realize, however, that this constant analyzing doesn't allow me to live in the moment... which is exactly what i need to learn to do. if the moment is all we have, then what is there to worry about?

    i need to just let however i feel be present with me. i need to look at the emotions that surround me from the perspective of them being separate from me. my baggage is not who i am, and i can certainly pick and choose how i'm going to feel about things and not let the past influence that.

    i'm certainly redefining.

    September 05, 2001

    Citing Scripture


    it's unlike me to cite scripture, but some things i do believe.. especially in the most spiritual sense. .

    IIS... ick!

    i just completed a registration form for a sans institute class on securing microsoft's internet information server in washington, d.c. on september 21. looks like i'll be staying thursday night and friday night and coming home that saturday.

    in a strange way, this reminds me of the book aol for dummies.

    i really miss working with apache.

    September 04, 2001

    Technically Speaking

    i just did the technical part of an interview for meredith's web designer position. i met with the one and only person they've interviewed, and honestly, he's a great fit for what we're trying to do here. i'm very excited about a web team forming and getting this place in gear.

    woo. i'm so happy. it's not monday, and tomorrow is the middle of the week. :)


    did i mention that i'm going to see tori on october 4? i am!

    Alas We Meet

    after 5+ years of corresponding via the internet, it looks like i may get a chance in late october to finally meet my friend, todd. sweet :)


    on my drive into work this morning, i was thinking of the possibility of a new website for hometown north carolina news. essentially, a gateway for all small papers across the state that have stories worth publishing on a larger scale... my site would give readers a link to their sites. the benefit for the paper is increased traffic to their own website (if they have one, if not maybe i should offer my web services to get them online). how do i entice the paper? could the trade off initially be a small ad in their publication? crosslinking, if possible? subscription service online?

    from the more creative side of the project, i could have people across the state willing to submit photos of any particular news item. this involves the public in what i'm doing, and gives me more readers, more usage, more reason to get some type of advertising from larger companies statewide. i'd have to show some numbers.

    maybe i should see if i can get an xml feed of npr's state edition. news and observer jump? charlotte observer? a sponsor link from the website (family friend.. could be a workable thing)? maybe a photo section of pictures of the state taken by readers of the site... discussion boards... email service... maybe even a section that i develop for weekly "columns"... and i solicit entries... ?


    happy tuesday. my brain is at work. :)

    September 03, 2001

    ... and another....

    • technically saavy

    Man Qualities

    qualities i like in a man (in no particular order of preference) . . .

    • intelligent
    • has common sense
    • has a sense of humor
    • able to laugh at himself
    • can get beyond his ego
    • affectionate
    • goal-oriented
    • financially stable
    • good natured
    • good hearted
    • sexy
    • more to come....

    dunno why i was thinking about that, but i was. i figured it was time i start taking notes. :)

    September 02, 2001


    returned today from the maryland renaissance faire with jon. had a great time... we camped in the back of his truck at a KOA campground friday and saturday nights and spent all day saturday at the faire. by the time it was over, his feet hurt and we were both tired and exhausted from walking around all day. we couldn't wait to get back to the campground and just chill.

    we ended up getting settled in around 9, drinking a couple of beers, eating some pizza and falling unconscious pretty quickly. we got up and drove back this morning, pitstopping through D.C. to see if we could drive by the white house. instead, we went into downtown, and i got a picture of the library of congress and some other building... and then a few brownstones on the way back out of the area. it took us an extra 20 or so minutes... but was fun. i thanked jon for agreeing to taking the exit when i suggested it. spontaneity rocks! :)

    what a great weekend! and to think, i don't have to work tomorrow either. woo!

    at the end of september, i'm heading to new york with jon to meet his parents and go to niagara falls. i'm looking forward to it... this will be the first time i've been to new york!

    is this what it feels like to be happy? no matter how it's classified, i'm having fun.


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