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October 25, 2001

A Month Already?

wow, has it been a month? i've been reading old journal entries tonight... feeling somewhat reminiscent and melancholy at the same time... i miss how i used to write so much about everything that was going on in my life... and i really hate how i've digressed into a blob of sentiment that never gets expressed.

i saw tori in concert at the beginning of october... i camped out at the auditorium, got a cd signed and was simply awed yet again by her performance. i find myself in constant envy of people who continue to dig down and pull from within the way she does... she's so in touch with herself, and it just makes me want to be expressive and creative and to touch lives somehow.

why is it that i'm never consistent?

i miss my old journal and the email it produced from people i will probably never meet outside of my inbox. i miss feeling like i had a purpose with my writing... i miss feeling like i was ok when people would write and tell me they understood...

i miss life as it was before september 11.

i'm happy, though, don't get me wrong. i'm probably happier than i've ever been. and what's funny is that i now have all the freedom i ever dreamed of having to express anything in the world that i want to express, and i have no clue what to say. heh.

i'm going to find my voice one day. and share it. and be expressive. and paint the walls creatively. and sit back and smile because i'm okay with being diane.

did i mention that he loves me? he really truly loves me... i feel it more than i ever have... and i still have a hard time believing that it's possible.

anything is possible. i should know that better than anyone.

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