January 2002 Archives

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January 21, 2002

A Story

she's 34 and a mother of two children, both who still live at home. she works as a web programmer, but has lately felt uninspired by her job or the career path she seems to be on. she's taking a course at the college where she works so she can explore a bit and learn something along the way. she wants the happily ever after she once dreamed about, but she's not totally sure that her actions are pointing her to that dream.

you see, she's dating a man who wants something different than what she wants. although when together everything feels right and perfect, in reality it's not. he says it should be ok that he may want to occasionally have sex with another woman. she says that she can't envision herself being ok with that if and when the relationship warrants commitment. she knows that she wants true intimacy with a man who can return the love she gives. she also wants a man who shares the same values and who shares a common vision for the future.

the man she is in love with is in love with her as well. he strongly believes that any two individuals who comprise a relationship should always remain individuals. she believes that at some point, compromise is essential for the relationship to grow beyond the individuality of the two people involved and take on a new role in their lives.

they spend about 3-4 nights a week together. they have a great time and laugh a lot. they are genuine friends. rarely is there an argument, and their communication is never-ending about what's on their minds. they are honest about what they want and how they feel. both claim not to be ready for a committed relationship, though he often suggests that living together would be a way to spend more time together since their lives are busy otherwise.

because there is no commitment, she deals with the emotions of him sleeping with another woman as they arise. she can't envision the relationship strengthening or moving toward "more" with this going on, so she tries to be a friend to him at all times and take that perspective when looking at what they are doing together. she definitely loves him and wants to see him grow and share her perspective on what they could be. maybe then she'd consider living with him.

should she be focused on the fact that they lack the common vision of what they want long-term? or should they just be happy for the moment they are in, and make the decision to change things when they no longer feel happy with the moment?

tell me your opinion!

January 16, 2002

Clear Vision

it's already easy to see....

2002 is going to be good.


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