life marches on.
it's amazing to me how the pain can become normal in the course of a couple of weeks, and how life continues to march on by. there are more subtle changes now in the way things are happening. i'm withdrawing, he's withdrawing, and we're both exploring life without the other. i never realized how painful it could be to feel someone i love slip away from me, but i understand fully now. it's still somewhat a shock to think that we're not together.
this is my reality now... and i find that the hope i hold onto about us getting back together is waning, and i'm becoming more realistic in my day to day approach to life. it really hurts to let go. it feels wrong, and unnatural, and foreign. are there more ways to describe the place i'm in now? i never imagined it would be like this. i guess i didn't think beyond where i was at the moment when i told him i couldn't foresee marrying him anymore. that was my reality then, and it still is... it's just that more realities have sunk in now about what that means exactly.
my body is stressed. i ache, and have pains.. and i don't feel as intoxicated with life as i did a few months ago. but that's ok.. i know that's normal ebb and flow stuff that will correct itself as time continues to tick past. i'm walking, i'm doing some yoga and some reiki, i'm really learning to listen to the emotions as they flow through me.
if you change one thing, it changes everything. it's something to remember when making big changes... and it's a lesson i'm learning well. you just gotta learn to hang on when the tides are moving in.
