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November 17, 2005

You've got to put in the hours

Quite often I'm bothered by the sentiments of a lot of my female friends who are married or have long term boyfriends. Not one of them seems to enjoy having sex, or at least that's what I gather from their ongoing discussions about their partner's shortcomings and inability to make them even want to be sexual. The reasons vary, but it seems obvious to me that none of them really likes their partner enough to want to be intimate with them in that way, and when they "try" they don't get out of it what they expect. They work hard to avoid the moment when they are asked if they are going to put out, and really seem not to understand why their partner doesn't understand their perspective on having sex.

I've been in their shoes. I dealt with those very same feelings, so I know how it feels to desperately want intimate moments to feel worth it and satisfying both physically and mentally. I can remember many moments in my previoumarriage when I just cried because I felt so empty inside. It's because I wasn't connected, and I lacked the compatibility with my spouse even to want to put in the effort. It's hard admitting that, but it's the truth.

I wanted something different for myself this time around. I worked hard and continue to work hard at my relationship with Jon. I really do like him, and there are many things about him that turn me on and make me feel like I've won a prize or something. My friends seem to think something is wrong with me, because I regularly spend time with Jon and have lunch dates with him, and I often toss in my two cents at the end of their rantings about sex and their men and say, "I enjoy sex with my husband." I sometimes follow that with the briefest of explanations, "I really like him."

I'm not trying to be superior. I'm just stating the facts. I have nothing to offer in discussions that revolve around sex being repulsive. However, I really do empathize with them and want them to be as happy as I am in my relationship. I hear what they are saying, and I understand that it's a vicious cycle if you stop working through issues and are upset constantly because your partner isn't living up to your expectations (and that's really what the issue is... those damned expectations). I guess I just have very little tolerance for people who complain about this type of thing but don't seem willing to put in the amount of work it takes to make their relationship better. Don't you deserve to be happy in your relationship? I ask them this all the time.

It's not about your partner, it's about YOU. It's all about communication, the ability to say how you feel and ask for what you need, and being willing to put in the hours to make your own happiness. There is no Prince Charming, my friends.

November 15, 2005

Saying What I Mean, and Meaning What I Say

This morning on the way to work, I was in the rightmost lane of two lanes turning left when the light turned green. My goal was to get into the lane on the next street that would take me straight through another intersection and onto an alternate yet more pleasant route to work. The rightmost lane (the one I was in) had a long line of cars, whereas the left lane had one. As cars ahead of me starting making their way through the turn, I worried about the light changing to yellow and at the last minute decided to get into the left lane so I could go. Instead of going straight, this lane would take me onto an exit that leads to a shortcut to the alternate route to work. As I turned, a driver who was in the rightmost turn lane somewhere way ahead of where I had been laid on her horn. It seems instead of turning into the rightmost lanes, she opted to be in the lane I was now in, and her blaring horn indicated she wasn't too happy about me cutting in front of her. I couldn't get to the lane where I wanted to be due to cars blocking it, so I opted for a left turn lane, which was where she wanted to be, too, apparently. Oops!

When I turned to look at who was blowing their horn, I saw her mouthing off to me. So I held my hand up and said loudly, "I'm sorry!" She kept on mouthing off, so I repeated myself, "I'm sorry!" Still, she kept on mouthing and looking annoyed at me. "I'M SORRY!" I yelled. And I was. It certainly had not been my intention to cut her off, and I said I was sorry THREE TIMES NOW, so why did she keep insisting on yelling? I wasn't sure if she could get around me, so I motioned for her to go ahead of me, and she mouthed off again, this time with hand gestures, to indicate I CAN'T GET AROUND YOU, YOU STUPID DRIVER. I shrugged at her and drove on. I already said I was sorry, and there's nothing else I can do about it anyway, so deal with it already and stop being so filled with rage. It's a measley turn, after all. I don't get people who get so upset over nothing.

I don't like dealing with irate or irritable people, though, especially not when it's directed at me. I couldn't wait to drive away from that lady this morning, hoping to get out of her line of vision so she could stop being so mad and get on with her day. What's worse, I'm a wuss when it comes to dealing with people where something should be said and it's my responsibility to say it. Ugh. Poke me with sharp objects, but don't make me confront someone, please! It's much easier to drive way or not say anything.

Over the past month, I've had my car in the repair shop three times. The first auto shop visit was prior to a trip to New York. I needed a standard oil change, and I asked them to rotate my tires and check fluid levels so I could ensure I'd be safe. I have been taking my car to this particular establishment since I first got her two years ago, and I've had nothing but excellent service from them. As I was checking out, Dimitry (he's Greek, part owner of said auto repair establishment) told me that he'd recommend brake service on my car before taking it on a trip. He added that the valve cover gasket and the timing belt were due for replacement, something he had mentioned to me after the last oil change. After a bit of deliberation, I decided to go ahead and let them repair the car and shelled out the necessary cash begrudgingly.

As it turns out, we rode with a relative to New York, so Trish sat parked over the weekend. After we returned, I resumed driving Trish to and from work, and after roughly a week and a half I determined there was an oil leak as evidenced by the small puddles of oil now on the driveway. I replinished her oil, took her back to Dimitry and told him there was a leak, and he spent the day with my car trying to determine its cause. Ultimately, he found that the oil cooler had cracked and was leaking internally and then into the overflow reservoir for the coolant, which was then overfilling and leaking out (or something very close to that). He charged me for the part and one hour of labor and I was on my way.

Week Three. I am now looking for any signs of oil on the driveway, and lo and behold I find new puddles after only a day or two of driving. I take her back into the shop, and they tell me it looks like an oil line had a hole in it, and it wasn't easy to find before because there wasn't enough pressure in the system to make it rush out like it was doing now. The part had been ordered and wouldn't be in until Friday (it was Wednesday at this point), and they suggested I just leave the car there because it was leaking about a quart a day. I'm okay with them repairing her, of course, but at this point I am quite frustrated because I've shelled out enough cash to have paid for a new laptop instead. I don't like debt, but I really don't like having debt incurred by auto repair.

While she was at the shop, Jon and I had a brief discussion about how I was feeling about my car. I told him I hoped that the leak would finally stop and that I could politely express my feelings about it to Dimitry. I wanted them to know that it seems odd to me that suddenly after having my car repaired that I have two oil-related issues, even though I'm not directly accusing them of anything. I told Jon I wanted them to know that I'm tired of being in their shop and shelling out cash to keep my car running smoothly, and that I sure hope they figured it all out this time because I am running out of favors with coworkers who have picked me up and dropped me off at the auto repair shop THREE TIMES already.

On Friday, I picked up my car just as the shop was closing. Dimitry told me they had fixed it, but he wanted me to bring my car back to the shop this week just so they could check it out. That's fine, I told him. I added that as much as I liked seeing him that I didn't want to continue to have problems with the car and that I was tired of dealing with auto repair and the expenses associated with it. He said he understood, and I was on my way. I didn't exactly confront him, nor did I offer up the suggestion that it was the initial repair that brought on the last two. I did, however, express how I felt about it and that's more than what I usually do. So that felt good.

As for the car, I'm still observing the ground underneath where I park her to see if there are any more leaks. I noticed a few drops on Saturday and Sunday, but nothing since then. I am thinking that it may have been residual oil lingering in the engine compartment (they didn't clean the engine after the repair like they normally do) - that's just my guess. I'm hoping I'm right, but nevertheless I probably will stop by the auto shop for my fourth and hopefully final visit sometime in the next day or two. Perhaps they can clean the engine and just give her a once-over to make sure the leak is indeed gone.

So that issue has been dealt with. I now resume my regularly scheduled programming wherein I hope to avoid confrontation, unless it's that lady screaming and gesturing at me on the road again. At the very least, I have a hand gesture for her.

February 24, 2005

Frustrated

Because while I feel somewhat obligated to update this website, I realize that I don't really have anything to write about. It goes well with the nasty weather we've had today, which translates to overcast skies, lots of rain and drizzle, not to mention a cloudy mood. Counseling, lunch with a coworker who isn't happy, and fair amounts of space from the husband have resulted in me wanting to flip the bird to the world and just be alone even more.

My body aches, it's cold outside, and tonight is CSI. I'm going to bed early!

February 18, 2005

Frustrated

Because it's always when I get to work that I remember that I wanted to upload some pictures to this website and start organizing some of the photos we've taken with the D70. It's the weekend, though, so maybe I can remember to spend some time with my iBook and iPhoto and get organized, published and whatever else.

T.G.I.F.!

January 28, 2005

Frustrated

Because the sugar wafers were good to me... so good to me in fact that I invited them to stick around for awhile... on my HIPS.

January 10, 2005

Frustrated

I'm feeling particularly bitchy and irritable tonight. I've spent the better part of a week trying to get Network Solutions to allow me to transfer the registration of redefining.org to a different registrar. Why? Because they are BASTARDS!

I had to call them tonight to ask why they wouldn't allow me to transfer even though I had the authorization code to do so. I ended up finding out it was because "domain protect" was on, even though I searched around in their account manager and couldn't figure out a way to TURN IT OFF.

BASTARDS!

I'm so angry right now. I had to tell the customer service representative on the phone that I couldn't afford to pay their rate to keep my domain registered with them, and it was only after I said no THREE TIMES that he finally offered me the $15 price I wanted in the first place.

BASTARDS!

Now I'm mad at myself for renewing, even though I'm glad to be done with it for now. I only renewed for one year this time, though, and I'm going to move to a different registrar for sure next time around!

BASTARDS!

Don't ever give your business to bastards. Do what I say and not what I do!

January 05, 2005

Frustrated

Because I have a popcorn shell stuck on the back of my tongue and I CAN'T GET THE DAMNED THING TO MOVE no matter what I try! It's been there for two days now!

---

P.S. With his DeWalt snake light aimed at the back of my throat, Jon determined that there is a bump and that I should stop aggravating it by sticking my finger into the back of my mouth. Okay, I can do that, but I will be keeping a close eye on it.

December 22, 2004

Frustrated

Because my brain won't stop chattering. Stupid stress!

December 15, 2004

Frustrated

Because at 2:30 a.m. the phone rang and woke me up out of a good night's sleep. And here I sit in the living room at 3:57 a.m. STILL UNABLE TO SLEEP. My stupid brain needs to SHUT UP.

December 10, 2004

Frustrated

Because even though I've lost roughly 30 pounds this year, I still look and feel very fat. Which means that I had completely LOST CONTROL prior to dieting. What the hell. The thing that gets me now is that I WORK OUT. I walk, I do aerobics, I go to Curves three times a week. I DRINK WATER. Yet I still have a belly, I still feel like a blob.

I will be in better shape. I'm tired of being frustrated.

December 06, 2004

Frustrated

Because I waited way too long to make my annual OB/GYN appointment, and now the first available date is January 12 of next year, which means A NEW DEDUCTIBLE HAS TO BE MET! !&^*%@!

I AM SUCH A SLACKER!

November 14, 2004

Frustrated

Because I spent at least two hours struggling with that caulking gun, figuring I was doing something wrong. When I finally got tired of it and asked Jon for help, he quickly switched it out with another caulking gun and mentioned that perhaps I should have asked for help earlier.

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