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August 30, 2006

I am a hashbrown

If the addage, "You are what you eat" is true, then I am a hashbrown. Potatoes own me.

April 17, 2006

The part of life I am not ready for

The past nine days of my life have been stressful and scary, to say the very least. I'm just now coming down off of my stress high, and I'm looking forward to a week of my normal routine and getting my life back on schedule.

My stepmother called last Saturday night to let me know that my father had suffered a mild heart attack. Apparently, he had been having telltale signs for a couple of days - the aching of the arm, the pressure on the chest - and he finally gave in to her nagging and agreed to go to the doctor. He was starting to get scared, I guess. While he didn't have a sudden attack, blood tests revealed that a heart attack had occurred, and the doctors checked him into the hopsital in New Bern and scheduled a cardio catheterization for him two days later on Monday. We all felt lucky that he hadn't had a major attack up to this point, and we felt optimistic about the what the catheterization would show.

The results of the catheterization showed that dad had three blocked arteries, and the doctors were recommending triple-bypass surgery. They scheduled him for Wednesday morning, and my fears were kicking into high gear when I heard this. I was overcome by the emotion of possibly losing my dad.

Let me just say that parental mortality sucks. Suddenly, the realization that my parents won't be alive forever - even though I have known this as long as I have known that death is a part of life - was right there in my face. I was now very anxious to visit with Dad and spend some time with him. I also volunteered myself to go to the beach and work at the Big Oak, figuring anything I could do to decrease his worrying and stress about the restaurant's operations over a holiday weekend would be a good thing and hopefully would ease his mind. My sister offered me a place to spend the night - she lives 45 minutes away in New Bern - and I agreed. We didn't want to put any additional stress on my stepmother while she took care of my dad after the surgery, and this was a good chance for us to be sisters to one another, which is a rare thing in itself.

I drove to New Bern on Tuesday to visit with my father, and I decided I would return the following day to wait with my family as Dad's triple bypass was performed. My sister and my stepmother and my uncles and a long-time friend of my father's were all there on Wednesday. Family becomes clearly defined in moments of uncertainty, and I felt hopeful that perhaps we weren't as fractured as sometimes it seems that we are. It was good to talk and visit with my uncles and feel that underlying family tie and connection to Dad.

Within two hours, Dad's nurse came into the waiting room to tell us that the bypass had been successful, and the doctors were now finishing up the operation. I breathed a sigh of relief, as my worst fear of something going wrong during the surgery had just been overcome. Just a couple of hours later, my sister and I were able to go into the ICU and see Dad. He was in a sedated sleep state, but we could touch him and talk to him and see that his color had returned and his lips were rosy. He looked fantastic to me, considering what he had just been through. After talking to my stepmother a bit more, I left the hospital and returned to Raleigh with a lot of relief.

I worked Thursday and was off of work on Friday (the College was closed), so I was able to do laundry and clean up around the house and prepare for my weekend of working. Jon and I left around 7 a.m. Saturday and headed to the coast. On the way, we stopped by the hopsital to see my father, and he was doing extremely well. It was good to see him and talk to him about everything, and my spirit was renewed.

I worked 12 hours this weekend - certainly not a lot but definitely more than I'm used to working on weekends. It was continuous and steady (and hot and greasy) work, and after 12 hours of filling orders of shrimpburgers and cheeseburgers and fries and drinks, I was ready to return home. When I did get home, I learned that Dad had been dicharged from the hospital and was finally back at home himself. It's great to see him making such terrific progress.

If I ever needed motivation to keep on track with my diet and exercise, I certainly have it now. I also hope that my Dad will take his second chance and do the things he needs to do to keep himself healthy. While parental mortality is inevitable, I'd like to keep him around as long as possible. There are some things I'm not ready to deal with just yet.

April 05, 2006

The weight is worth it

About a month ago, I added working out with weights to my workout routine. I decided that I would do weights three times a week at the fitness center on campus, resistance training at Curves three times a week and walk when I could fit it into my schedule. I'm still figuring out the cardio portion, and I think I may rejoin the campus aerobics class on Monday and Wednesday nights and use the cardio machines at the fitness center as an alternative. Perhaps then I'll have the perfect schedule that is easily achievable.

I started thinking about weights around the first of March. We have a range of dumbbells at the house, and I mentioned to Jon that I wanted to start looking on Craigslist for a weight bench to buy so that I could have all the essentials for working out at home. I started peeking to see what was out there, but I realized all too quickly that I didn't want to spend a lot of money on said bench.

And then the funniest thing happened: I was driving to Curves one day with my daughter, and while taking my usual shortcut through a nearby neighborhood, I spotted a weight bench sitting on the edge of the lot. I decided that if the bench was still there on my drive home that I would pick it up. Here is video of me driving back through and spotting the bench again:

It was destiny! So I picked it up, brought it home and cleaned it up. It's now sitting in our office/workout room/spare room upstairs. I haven't even used it yet - no need at this point with the fitness center being open and all, but it will come in handy when the fitness center schedule changes and I can no longer find convenient times to workout (this is the biggest issue of having a free fitness center on campus - you can only go when there are no classes and the schedule changes all the time). Thing is, though - I took this as a sign that I was on the right track and that weight training is what I needed to do.

So I've been at it for roughly three weeks now. It would be four weeks now, but last week I was vacationing in Miami and didn't do ANYTHING related to working out unless you count me walking through the airport terminal carrying heavy luggage as exercise. But now, I am already starting to see some changes in my muscle tone.

In addition, this week Jon and I are attempting to pack lunch and eat healthier in general, and doing this has me feeling positive and energetic and quite excited about the changes I'm starting to see. Food is always the hardest part for me, and while it's just as cheap for me to eat across the street at the campus dining hall ($4 for whatever I want - a great deal), I have an extremely difficult time wtih portion control. So bringing my lunch and some healthy snacks will certainly be a positive change for me. Now I just have to keep it up.

My hope is that this combination is what will work for me. I believe I will see results faster and that are better for me than gauging my success by the number that pops up when I step onto the scale. And maybe then I won't lose my motivation to continue eating right and doing what I need to do to get fit. If anything, I'm proud of myself for sticking with my workouts. My New Year's resolution is intact, and my will remains strong. Go me!

Oddly enough, one of the other factors that has really helped me stay on track is buying new clothes. I am not one for shopping and splurging a lot of money on new clothes and shoes, so my wardrobe has been monotonous and boring for many years. I've started to change the way I look at clothing, and I understand now that if I feel good in what I am wearing - regardless of the size - that I will want to continue feeling that way. I'm exploring my more confident side, and wearing things that make me feel this way is a positive step for me. My old mentality was that I would buy this type of clothing when I lost weight/was thinner/smaller/etc. It starts now.

This is an aha! moment for me. I feel the progress being made!

March 16, 2006

One Day at a Time

I'm proud of myself. Beginning January 1, I set out to increase my level of activity and implement an exercise regimen into my life. I started by walking daily and returning to my three workouts each week at Curves. For further motivation, my daughter joined Curves with me at the end of January. No excuses now! To push myself a little harder, I recently started working out with weights, and I've noticed a substantial increase in my energy, my desire to workout and my overall fitness level.

I'm still having a problem with my food intake, however. This is my one weakness, my one ongoing pitfall in my quest to become healthy and fit.

I started out just cutting back on what I didn't need a lot of - hose carb-laden foods that weigh heavily on my buttocks and thighs. I love potatoes, but I was working hard to avoid potatoes. I did well with this initially - enough that it made me push on to the next level of cutting portions. I managed this for a few weeks, and then slowly, I started allowing myself to have a little more of this or a little more of that. And then before I knew it, potatoes had found their way to my plate again. I intermittently try to focus on healthier dietary habits - and I succeed. But then I return to my potatoes and other comfort foods.

WHAT GIVES?

That's my focus now - what gives? Why am I not doing what I know I need to do to achieve and maintain a healthy body? I'm still working on the answer. I know it's about choices - every choice is either good for me or bad for me. I guess I just am confused why I'm sabotaging my efforts.

In the meantime, I'll press on. I'll continue to exercise because I really like the way it makes me feel. I'll remain proud of the things that I am doing and will try not to be so hard on myself for the things I can't quite figure out just yet. I'm working on it one day at a time and that makes me proud.

February 02, 2006

Blissful (and Healthy!) Whoredom

A number of months ago, Jon and I purchased a treadmill. We found a great deal on a really nice Ironman treadmill - the model was being discontinued - and just had to have it. So we paid for it, hauled it home in the truck, and then struggled for hours to get it up two flights of stairs and into the room that would soon become our exercise room. Then Jon assembled it and viola! We had an exercise room.

For a few weeks, we used the treadmill regularly. During that time, I arrived home one day to find Jon on the treadmill with his laptop in front of him, walking at a steady pace and surfing the net.

"What the hell?!" I asked him, amazed and confused at the sight before my eyes. "How were you able to do that?"

I was a bit concerned that he had just destroyed the treadmill by adding on this laptop stand. Turns out, he figured out a way to build a laptop holder with some spare wood he had in the garage. The two pieces that comprise the stand simply latch onto the treadmill and don't actually alter or damage the treadmill in any way. (Somehow Jon's great ideas to "improve" something always result in something being permanently altered (and not so much improved). However, all my begging and pleading not to destroy our stuff with his ingenuity seems to have paid off, as he now circumvents the permanent alteration route in lieu of "plug-ins.") I could accept what he had done, but I pointed out that it certainly made him look a bit geeky and ridiculous. Whatever the case, he was walking so that was a good thing.

Anyway, we used the treadmill for a few weeks. And then it sat quietly folded up in the corner of the 'exercise' room gathering dust for a number of months. Even the laptop stand wasn't enough to draw either Jon or me to the treadmill for a workout.

That is, until January 1, when I started a daily walking regimen that requires use of said treadmill. For about two or three days, listening to my iPod was quite sufficient to help me make it through my time on the machine. Then I grew incredibly bored, and the constant walking while staring at the time, distance, calories burned and heart rate displays only seemed to make it worse. Then I remembered the laptop holder! Suddenly my walking took on an entire new life. While walking, I could surf, send email, blog, talk to my friends on AIM or play a stupid game. His geeky laptop stand was suddenly the best thing in the whole world!

And then a couple of weeks ago, I realized that my entire walking experience could be taken to the next level by downloading and watching episodes of Lost on my iBook. Why hadn't I thought of this before? Not only do a get a great workout, but I get to watch Lost!

I'm in heaven. Suddenly, I'm looking forward to exercising! And I'm so very happy that my husband is the geeky nerd who couldn't (and wouldn't) exercise unless his laptop was in front of him, because now he has a geeky wife who completely understands that logic.

January 12, 2006

Before, During and After

I decided the partner up with an online friend (hi, Tim) in my efforts to improve my health and overall appearance. We each figured having a buddy to talk to about our personal quests to better ourselves would be beneficial. We even agreed to take before and during and after photos as a motivating factor. So last night after working out, I showered, tossed on shorts and a tank top and stood before our closet door to pose for my "before" photos. I took one shot facing the camera and a profile shot to make sure my ampleness was shown from the side. And let me tell you, there is nothing quite as eye-opening as seeing all my lovely lady lumps (and humps and bumps) in a picture and then having to share said picture with your new health buddy. I won't be posting this before photo until there's another shot that is a bit more flattering.

Yeah. No more brownies for me for awhile (which were quite remarkable, I must say).

January 05, 2006

Resolutions

I've made a few resolutions this year, only after having succeeded at last year's resolution not to steal anymore Outback steak knives. Yes, I made it through an entire year... many, many meals... without pilfering even ONE of those prized possessions. Aren't you proud of me? As it is, we have enough for twelve place settings. But anyway... this year's resolutions are fairly straightforward and to the point:

  • Read a book a month - Since the birth of the internet, it seems my desire to read books has dwindled and my surfing of webpages has increased. I feel like my brain is turning to goo. I'm sure at least part of it is, anyway. So if I can manage to read something other than a webpage, I'd be really proud of myself. The Reader's Digest that I read in the bathroom doesn't count.
  • Move more, eat less - Gone are the days of wanting to lose weight. Now I just want to feel better. So far, I'm doing well on this resolution. I've walked 30 mins a day since Jan. 1 and have resumed my workouts at Curves. Now I'm just waiting for the good sleep patterns to kick in and I'm set.
  • Travel somewhere alone - I've decided that I enjoy taking small trips by myself. I have no idea what I'm going to do this year. Last year it was Las Vegas. This year... ? Maybe San Francisco... maybe a jaunt to Charleston, SC. Maybe to the beach to visit my father.

See? Those are simple. And I'm already on target. Just 360 more days to go.

July 13, 2005

Purging

I have started the process of slowly purging my body of the unneccesary evils of "too much fat." I'm a blubberbut these days, barely fitting into the clothes I bought just a couple of months ago. I attribute it all to the hormones that were added to my system. That, and my own inability to stop eating. Personally I blame the eating thing in part on the hormones, so it has become a vicious cycle. Not to mention that I have a tendency to be a slackass. When will I ever learn to maintain and be more even?

Mentally the fog is clearing and I'm feeling like Diane again. I'm focusing on doing good things for my body, like drinking more water, increasing my fiber, integrating exercise into my week, etc. Very recently I got to a point where I had shut down from doing everything. Maybe I just need extremes or somesuch to jumpstart me back into gear. Maybe my system is just that sensitive and I became extremely imbalanced. Out of control. Lazy.

Where's Di?

July 12, 2005

Diane, The Bitch

I have been surrounded by a fog of hormones for the past four months that have clouded my vision and made me want to scream to anyone around me, "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?" Because the thing about this hormonal cloud is that it provides me with the false illusion that it's everyone else and not me. Like, how the hell did everyone else get so stupid all of a sudden?

Morons.

Lucky for me and my marriage and my friendships that it's dissipating and should be a distant memory in the not too distant future. Without going into specifics, let's just say that because of a choice that I willingly made that I disrupted the even flow of my life. And now, thankfully, I have removed the obstacle which has prevented me from being my usual self - you know, the person who actually enjoys interacting with others.

I now bring you back to my regularly scheduled programming, already in progress. Thanks for tuning in.

May 09, 2005

Input and Output

I was fascinated by an episode of Oprah last week that featured tips on slowing down the aging process and preventing cancer. Because of this, I find it highly necessary to link to the info because everyone should know what they are doing in the bathroom and how what is put into the body affects what comes out.

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200505/tows_past_20050503.jhtml

Read the third little ditty about "Everybody Poops." Actually, read them all, but this one is fascinating. I never have seen or really understood what the colon does, but now I have! And I'm not too ashamed to say that I enjoyed it. It's good to know how your parts function.


May 06, 2005

Adjustments

Hello, world!

I've been adjusting to some changes in my body's hormone level for the past couple of months. I've become more introverted and have had feelings of depression. It really sucks, but my doctor has suggested that it should even out in the next month or so. It's certainly not an overwhelming thing that I feel is beyond my control, but it seems to have affected my blogging. Heh.

I've had all these projects around the house to do and have done nothing. And while I have started a terrific walking regimen (the new pedestrian bridge over the beltline from Meredith College to the NC Museum of Art is open and I hit it just about every day during the work week), I have slacked greatly in my Curves workouts since mid-April. I'm really trying to keep an eye on what I eat and my water intake while I'm slacking off. I'm hoping that if i keep walking that the strength training I am lacking at Curves won't be so hard to return to.

I really just don't like myself right now, though I know that's probably just the hormones.

This is fun stuff, let me tell ya.

I'll check back in a few.

March 11, 2005

Slowly But Surely

I'm at the point now in my working out that I can feel my hips narrowing. I remember this happening last year when I started taking walks around Shelley Lake - something I haven't done in months. It's extremely difficult to force myself out of bed early on a Saturday morning to take that 3.5 mile roundtrip from my house on foot, especially when it's cold out and warm under the covers. There is always Saturday afernoon for that sort of thing these days, and I really have no excuse for not doing that.

I did ride my bike again the other day, only the second time in about a month or so. I am thinking now that I'm not going to be in shape for the Red Rock Canyon bike trip, and that's okay. I don't want to stress myself about my vacation activities. There's always gambling in Vegas. They also have a fitness center at the hotel, as well as a spa! I have started thinking about a nice massage, a pedicure, laying around the pool with a book, eating, etc. I need to be good to myself.

I've been back on the routine of the 5 days a week working out, and this is week three. I can certainly tell a difference, and I'm becoming less worried that I'll accomplish the 5 pounds or 5 inches goal I have for this month. I wonder what will be up for April.

Yesterday I was stressed - well, annoyed really - regarding my daughter. I found myself thinking about McDonald's fries (I resisted!), ice cream with chocolate syrup (I resisted!) and sugar wafers (I gave in!). This is where the thoughts about starting up my walking regimen have come from. I really need to burn a few more calories in order to afford myself some of the finer pleasures in life (wafers!). Maybe this is part of my acceptance of self thing I've been focused on anyway. I've always known that I was an emotional eater, but I've never really known how to handle it. So if I can just allow myself some small guilty pleasures and not beat myself up over it but instead counteract it, I would be able to keep moving forward at a steady pace.

Man, my brain is racing this morning. Happy Friday. :)

March 09, 2005

Feeling It

In February, the Curves location I attend had a contest in February that if you worked out 13 times that you would get a free tote bag. Honestly, I wasn't interested at first, but then I decided I'd do it. And then I sort of forgot and didn't care because afterall it was just a tote bag and I didn't really need one anyway.

Then something happened to me about mid month and I REALLY wanted the tote bag, if for no other reason than to say I achieved the goal of the 13 workouts and obtaining it through hard work. Problem was, I had about a week and a half left and nine workouts to go to reach my goal, so I had to work out every day in order to get the bag.

Well, I did it. Happy Di. *Pats self on back.*

This month, they are having another contest of sorts. You have to work out 13 times, bring in a bag of non-perishable food items for their food drive and lose either five pounds or five inches for a Curves t-shirt. I don't need another t-shirt, but I signed up for that too, figuring that anything I could focus on to help me stay motivated was a good thing. So far this month I have worked out seven times, I've cut out a lot of the junk food I was eating and I've increased my water intake. I refuse to weigh because I know that results don't happen that fast.

I've GOT to lose weight. Not just the five pounds for March, but the excess fat I've been carrying around my midsection since the birth of my son 21 years ago. I don't want to be 40 and flabby and looking no better than I did at 30. I want to be fabulous at 40! I've always struggled with my weight, but this I'm really trying to approach my weight loss efforts with a different mindset that has been really difficult for me to embrace because I LOVE TO EAT. I need a lifestyle change and it's been slowly coming about for the past year or two. I have been working out and exercising for more than a year now, and I've definitely already benefitted from that. But the struggle with food remains.

I'm waiting for my AHA! moment that Oprah talks about so often. I'm focusing my mental efforts on my inner dialogue that has reared its ugly head way too much in recent weeks to make it start saying nice things about me instead of negative belief statements that are no longer valid.

This morning, I'm feeling it for some reason - feeling energized and healthier and more mentally strong (and stable!). I'm hoping that I can figure out how I got here and what it will take to hang onto this feeling on a day-to-day basis, because I need to feel good. My 40s are just around the corner and I plan on living it up bigtime!

I want people to say, "YOU'RE 40?!?!?!?! WOW! You look HOT!" And you know what? I will be hot. And fabulous!

March 04, 2005

Aches and Pains

I slipped up the other day and told Jon that my inner voice is not a nice voice, that it tells me that I'm not a beautiful person and that I'm fat and don't have it together. This was on the way home from working out and being measured for the March workout campaign at Curves. Let's just say that Girl Scout cookies are representing all over my midsection. Lucky for me, Jon said he still thinks I'm beautiful and assured me of such (since when have I listened to him, though?).

For the past day and a half, I've had a random shooting pain in my left temple that HURTS when it makes itself known. I increased my amount of water intake today, took some decongestants and hoped for the best.

Today wasn't a good day, though. Shit hit the fan all over again and I cried off and on enough that my eyes were tired in addition to experiencing the sharp shooting pains.

After I got home, I realized that I needed something else for my head, perhaps some sinus medication or something. That was when Jon called and mentioned he was stopping by the store on the way home and asked if I needed anything. AT LAST I knew some relief was on the way.

HOWEVER, that was earlier, and it's much later now. I have taken the sinus meds, but the pain is STILL randomly occuring. Grrr. Water therapy it is for now. I think maybe I have the onset of a sinus infection or something. Can I hold out until Monday for the doctor?

My inner voice has been going strong today, filling my head with doubts and questions and making me wonder if I'll ever be happy. I know I need to work on this and try to change this dialogue to something more positive, but DAMMIT MY HEAD HURTS and wow has this been a crappy day.

February 02, 2005

Mmmmm! It's a great feeling!

I've just decided after returning to the office from an early morning dentist visit to have my teeth cleaned that there is nothing better than the feeling of running my tongue along the backside of my tartar-free teeth. They are so smooth! And so tartar free!

On second thought, talking about the lack of tartar now makes it seem like I had a lot of tartar buildup on my teeth. I didn't! I'm a flosser and damned proud, but it's the back of those teeth in the front on the bottom of my mouth that end up with a slight tartar buildup every six months. The dental hygienist says there are salivary glands right there and it's a natural area for the tongue to rest, therefore resulting in more tartar in that location than any other.

Just so you know.

January 13, 2005

Health Indicators

I went for my annual checkup yesterday, and I found out that since my last visit there in April 2003 (I hate annual appointments) I have gained 10 pounds. They drew some blood and are getting thyroid tests and cholesterol tests run and will give me the results at the same time I hear about my pap smear. Getting old is not fun. I'm 37 creeping up on 40, and I feel like I'm doing all I can to save myself from an early demise. It doesn't help that my outlook is a bit tainted lately.

I was exhausted yesterday after sleeping poorly the first two nights of this week, but I managed to finish the day at work and went straight home, skipping aerobics (which resulted in a nagging feeling about not exercising). I was in bed by 7, and fell asleep shortly after 8 and slept for a little over 10 hours. I feel refreshed, though there is a big drain my energy because of all the stress occuring right now. My chest feels heavy today. For some reason I decided not to stop and grab anything for breakfast, opting rather to eat the oatmeal I have in my desk drawer. But now I realize that also resulted in me failing to get my morning Diet Coke, which has left me feeling hungover from the sleep. I guess it's not a bad idea to lay off the caffeine when I can.

My plan is to walk today while I'm at work and then go to Curves afterwards. But somewhere in there I'm taking my daughter to the therapist for her first appointment. Busy, busy, busy. Hopefully the workouts will elevate my mood and balance out some of the stress.

I'm planning on going out of town this weekend to visit Jon's sister who will be in the state on business. I am looking forward to going, but I'm not sure how much fun I'm going to be. Believe me, I'm going to try really hard to relax. We're talking about getting our nails done, and personally I think I want a pedicure more than anything.

One long day at a time for now, and maybe if I take better care of myself my circadian rhythms will return to normal and the weird energies will stop.

December 16, 2004

Old Ben Lucas

Because of my lack of sleep Tuesday night, and because of my ongoing battle with the mucous (speaking of mucous, everytime I type that word - EVERYTIME - I have to look it up to make sure I spelled it right), I took the afternoon off to nap and relax and feel better.

So what did I do? I came home and sorted through stacks of papers, organized bills and important papers and dusted! The dust bunnies have been removed!

I did actually get some sleep, however. I fell unconscious around 9 p.m. and only woke up briefly when Jon came to bed. I slept soundly until 6:30 or so. There's something really crappy about the morning alarm clock going off. But I got up, took a hot shower (it really helps clear the sinuses) and got ready. I was at work by 7:45 after taking Casey to school, sausage and egg biscuit in hand (I never eat the biscuit part, just the sausage and egg part).

The goal today is to stay at work until 5 p.m., because I would so rather be at home doing my own thing. But it is also very slack at work these days, so I have time to putz around all I want. And it's much easier to track how much water I'm drinking while here.

Gotta love the holidays for some reason.

December 10, 2004

Frustrated

Because even though I've lost roughly 30 pounds this year, I still look and feel very fat. Which means that I had completely LOST CONTROL prior to dieting. What the hell. The thing that gets me now is that I WORK OUT. I walk, I do aerobics, I go to Curves three times a week. I DRINK WATER. Yet I still have a belly, I still feel like a blob.

I will be in better shape. I'm tired of being frustrated.

December 08, 2004

Armed

On my desk sit three 24 oz. bottles of water. My mission today is to drink all three, preferably by 3 p.m. so that I don't have to go to the bathroom during aerobics at 5:15.

I have a dull headache, and I think it's from the congestion in my head and chest which, even though it's very slight, has been lingering for weeks now. It sometimes makes me drag, and then there are other times that I have this coughing fit go on where there's nothing there but my throat is dry and the coughing starts to move around the junk in my chest. It's really gross, and I'm sick of it.

I'm also a little frustrated with myself. Last week, I started off the week by being strict with my food intake, my water intake and my exercise regimen. By Wednesday I could see a measurable difference on the scales, and by Friday I felt awesome. I knew that I'd be more relaxed about things during the weekend, so I wasn't too worried about it, figuring that I could go back to being strict on Monday.

Monday went well, except for the tortilla chips. I had maybe a small bag's worth - not TOO bad really.

Yesterday went well, too, except for the two pieces of chocolate reisen I had to have last night while watching TV. I drank plenty of water, but I still felt like I wasn't getting enough. There just comes a point during the evening where I don't feel like drinking any more water because I know that it'll have me up all night peeing. Even though I stopped relatively early last night, I was still up and down several times during the night.

The frustration comes from how I've been feeling generally. My body seems to be retaining water the past few days. My energy level has been low. I've worked out once - had to miss aerobics on Monday because of Casey's basketball game - and I plan on working out today. I'm just trying to get myself to feeling back on track. So far today I feel like blehhhh.

So today I plan on loading up on water. And perhaps walking around campus. And doing my aerobics. And not having chocolate tonight.

One. Day. At. A. Time. I must not let the bleh feeling win. I am armed and ready.

November 08, 2004

New and Improved

After a week of taking a break from "dieting", I'm all fired up and ready to continue with trying to lose some weight.

As of last Tuesday morning, I had lost fourteen and a half pounds on the Curves Diet Challenge at the beginning of week six. The diet itself got old and boring after a couple of weeks, so I modified my intake to include a variety of low-carb choices and healthier selections of fruits and vegetables. I avoided bread and potatoes for the most part. Those items seem to lead to my downfall, so I think I've found an easy way to modify my food choices for the future. I don't know why I'm so carb intolerant, but I am.

I really detest the Atkins diet, as I detest any diet in general. This is why it has been important for me to find foods that I can eat on a regular basis and be okay with. I know what I enjoy, and I know that some of those foods are bad. So I'm learning to be okay with moderate intake of foods that aren't great for me but that I must have. These foods include potatoes, chocolate (mmm, chocolate), and desserts in general.

I've found that I can manage some short-term dieting with a specific goal in mind. Initially, I wanted to lose 20 pounds on the diet challenge, but I realized that it was probably an impossible goal. So I changed my goal to 15 and reached that (well, within 1/2 a pound) without issue. Now after taking a few days off, I'm back on the bandwagon and fired up and ready to lose 15 more.

I exercise 5-6 times a week. I do my three Curves workouts, two nights of aerobics and I generally try to walk once or twice a week as well (the walking has dwindled as the temperatures outside have started dropping). I do miss riding my bike and have wondered why I haven't gotten up off my butt to at least take a small ride around the immediate area. Perhaps I'll try to squeeze a ride or two in before the winter temperatures kick in.

My body has been slowly changing. I noticed a lot of the changes since I joined Curves at the end of May. I also had started walking daily and riding my bike a few times a week. My legs grew stronger, and I started noticing that I was generally improving my strength. But I had a herniated disc that required surgery, and I couldn't do much of anything for a few weeks afterward, and when I finally could it wasn't a lot. I returned to Curves six weeks after my surgery, and I've been going regularly since.

I think now I'm looking for other little changes that I can make to my lifestyle. There are days, like yesterday, when I sit around the house watching television and doing much of nothing. I kept feeling guilty for not doing something more productive, but I felt more lazy than I did guilty and didn't get up.

I know I need to eat more in order to keep my metabolism up and going. That is hard sometimes, as I've been trained to eat only when hungry. Now I'm trying to do the six small meals thing. Do you realize how difficult it is to eat six times a day when you're not that hungry? The weird thing about it is that it works.

So now I'm hoping that I can drop 15 more pounds. That's my newest short-term goal. To be honest, the timeframe doesn't matter as much as the end result. I'd like to just continue being a bit healthier and doing small things to improve my body. And they say you have to take it one day at a time, so that's just what I'm going to do.

October 26, 2004

13 and a HALF!

Tuesday morning is the day I weigh. There's no governing body that says I should do this except my own. And folks, I'm proud to report that as of this morning, I have lost 13.5 pounds during the last four weeks.

Yay me!

Now, it's off to Chick-Fil-A for lunch! :)

October 05, 2004

The Big Loser

Last week, I joined a group at a local Curves that was participating in the Curves Diet Challenge. You basically are given information on what to eat and why and are asked to follow a particular diet for a six week period. Along the way you move from one phase to another and get measured, all while making journal-like entries into a book to chart your progress in regard to your physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

Tonight was the second meeting, and we were able to share our results with the other participants. I have lost seven (7!) pounds since last Tuesday, more than anyone else in the group. For the first time in my life, I was more than happy to be called THE BIG LOSER.

Yay me!

Confession time: I didn't do the journal stuff. And I didn't really follow their suggested diet. I hate being told what to do. But I avoided processed carbs, ate a lot of protein-rich foods, ate more vegetables than I usually do and drank a shitload of water. Oh, and I exercised as usual (walking, aerobics and Curves workouts). So essentially I think I just enjoy the motivation that being in that group setting gives me.

The only thing now that I'm working on is my internal dialogue about myself. And that will take a lot longer than six weeks to achieve.

June 06, 2003

Waddle Waddle

my thighs are getting fatter. i can just look at my legs and tell. plus i can feel the additional weight. and i wonder why i can't get out of this emotional feeding frenzy i've been on lately. i also haven't been walking, haven't been doing yoga, haven't been doing anything exercise-wise, and haven't stuck with my usual low-carb eating plan. and i need to. and i know it.

so the fact that i'm thinking about it may be a good thing. which is a good thing, because for the last three months my left leg and buttock have been aching like crazy. i've been doing stretches that soften the hamstring muscle, but it's like every morning i get up and the ache has returned. part of me thinks that it's just the fact that i've been a lazy bitch for three months now. the other part of me wonders if it's the sucky mattress i sleep on every night. it's not firm enough, and i like a firm mattress.

October 15, 2002

Portion Control Secrets


portion control secrets . . .

No mega-super-biggie anything! Fast food restaurant portions are already large, why fan the flame? No matter how much of a "better deal" upgrading may be, don't be tempted! In fact, steering clear of combo meals altogether is very wise. If you can't resist a fast food "square meal" why not get yourself a kids' meal? Then you can give the toy to a young relative or friend... or keep it for yourself!

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